S2Ep26|| the ghost of tequilas past
Cait and her partner Sara Ashcraft wrap up Season 2 by talking about their sobriety being put to the test.
Sara joins Cait as they talk about some of their past experiences popping up for them recently, and how the Universe has been testing their sober journey with little moments and experiences in their daily lives. They talk about the triggers that may come up and they share some advice on how to best handle them.
Sobriety is anything but linear, and the tests, temptations, and hurdles that we go through are not pass or fail tests, but rather opportunities to reflect on how far we’ve come.
As Season 2 comes to an end, Cait and Sara will be taking a 2-week hiatus to gear up and prep for Season 3, with all new topics and guests that they’re excited to introduce you to.
The CLEARHEADED Podcast will officially be a sobriety-focused podcast. See you Monday, July 18th!
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Ep 26 - The Ghost of Tequila's Past w/ Sara + Cait
[00:00:00] Cait: Shame, doesn't really nourish growth. It really just keeps you stuck and you
[00:00:04] Sara: can't like help it sometimes. Totally. You just go to it automatically. And I think it's just a natural human response to honestly, to growth. Sometimes you don't like to be reminded of who you used to be. Yeah. And so you feel this shame and it's, it's totally natural. But once you identify that feeling, you can sort of go.
[00:00:24] Sara: Okay. I feel that I see it. I'm gonna release it.
[00:00:28] Cait: Welcome to the Clearheaded podcast. I'm Cait Madry, your host. And I'm so happy you're here. This is the podcast that drops in on people's moments of clarity surrounding their sobriety. Super LA of me. But I like to start every episode with a deep breath in. So if you're driving to work or you're on your way to run some errands, or maybe you're in bed getting ready to wind down, let's just start with a deep breath in and out.
[00:01:02] Cait: Okay. Let's get clear headed.
[00:01:05] Cait: I'm so happy. You're back. And that we got through all of June. This is a little heads up that for the first two Mondays of July, we'll be taking a little intermission and I'll get to describing what's to come when we come back on Monday, July 18th.
[00:01:26] Cait: Wow. Hi.
[00:01:28] Sara: Hi.
[00:01:29] Cait: We're back. Fun fact -
[00:01:31] Cait: This is our third time trying to record this conversation because there's just been so much, honestly, that we really wanna talk about. Sara is back.
[00:01:40] Sara: I'm back.
[00:01:41] Cait: Hi, lover, my lover.
[00:01:43] Sara: Yeah, that's me. That's my title.
[00:01:46] Cait: My sober lover. Mm-hmm. It's been so fun being sober with you, for the last few months. Sara and I were trying to say like, okay, what do we start with? How do we have this conversation? We're wrapping up the second season. We've learned so much, we're going to do so much, which we wanna talk to you about. But as this format is changing and evolving and we've brought on some new producers who are incredibly talented, it's an all female team.
[00:02:17] Sara: Totally qualified to do this job. Unlike me.
[00:02:20] Cait: You're good. But we got professionals. We do have professionals. And as we are bringing on these incredibly thoughtful qualified people to help us navigate what each episode looks like, what does a season look like? How do we label them? How do we transcribe them? All of these things that are necessary when you're podcasting, we have decided to add the element of like our real time.
[00:02:51] Cait: Temptations or my real time experience being sober because all of these anecdotes and stories and moments of clarity are incredible to listen to. And there's an in between these moments of clarity, which you and I experience and anybody who's sober experiences of, "oh, wow. I just realized that". Or I'm noticing other things that are happening between when you get sober and as you stay sober.
[00:03:18] Cait: So today we're gonna talk about Sara and I's incredible moments that we've had in the last couple of months. It's been kind of wild how present our past has been popping up, popping up. I mean, really popping up from people who we used to be really close with, popping up and seeing where their timeline is to
[00:03:46] Cait: I know that.
[00:03:46] Sara: Just like little reminders of where we're at now. Yeah. And where we maybe would be if we hadn't gotten sober. Yeah. And yeah, just some challenges. I think, like, I wouldn't even call them challenges just like in a way the universe testing, testing us, but like in a good way, you know, like, because we came well, cuz we came out on the other side, right.
[00:04:11] Sara: We passed the test. But like, even if you didn't pass the test, it's always good to sort of, nothing is just perfect and not turbulent ever. Yeah. No matter how strong you feel in your sobriety, you know. There's people who go to meetings after they've had like 40 years of sobriety and that they do that for a reason.
[00:04:28] Sara: Right. Because it is. It's different for everyone and yeah, there's always gonna be some turbulence. Yeah, absolutely. And makes you stronger.
[00:04:35] Cait: I mean, the wording of things like challenges and tests, it's really all that we have to compare it to, and we're gonna work on upgrading our wording synonyms, but.
[00:04:48] Cait: Really like when I think about sobriety and I think about the tests or temptations or these hurdles that we go through. I don't think that they pass or fail tests, I guess we'll just tell you about them. Okay. So we live in a neighborhood that we love. We love our neighborhood and we love our neighbors and everybody has dogs and everybody is so kind and says, hello.
[00:05:09] Sara: And we're big gift givers. All of us, we are all of our neighbors and us.
[00:05:13] Cait: We are. Even if it's a little like, Hey, I got a bouquet of flowers and I didn't need all of them. And I'm gonna drop a couple off on your porch in a Mason jar. Well, that's cute. Isn't it? To, Hey, I work for this company and I have all this free merch, do you wanna try it?
[00:05:29] Cait: And that exact experience happened with one of our neighbors. And they work for JAJA tequila, which we used to love. We, when I say Sara and I used to love JAJA tequila, it was like split a bottle of love, you know?
[00:05:47] Sara: Yeah. Like a 750 milliliter bottle of tequila.
[00:05:50] Cait: Yeah, girls could split, knock it back, you know, start at, to finish at 2:00 AM, says something about our tolerance, right.
[00:05:58] Cait: And why we're sitting here where we are today is sober because it didn't work out for us that strategy, and that love was not healthy. But our neighbor works for them and we hadn't had the sober conversation because it's also so. Neighbor relationships and acquaintances. And even if you find this, like at your job, when you say you're sober, when do you work that into conversation?
[00:06:26] Cait: Like, does it get brought up then you think about, okay, am I gonna make this person feel uncomfortable? If I bring it up? If they say, oh, let's go for drinks. Do you just say, yeah, totally. And order a mocktail. And then it's like a whole thing of like, oh, well we could have gone and gotten coffee or I wouldn't even put it.
[00:06:42] Cait: And then you have to, righ?. Engage in that uncomfortability.
[00:06:45] Sara: There's also people like the people too. Sometimes you tell them you're sober and it kind of goes in one ear and out the other, like, I sort of feel like I maybe had this conversation with our neighbor before where it's like, I don't drink, but right.
[00:06:56] Sara: It's, you know, it's different. It doesn't, it doesn't like not to offend me. No, but, but he was really sweet. Gifted, like tried to gift us a bottle of tequila essentially.
[00:07:07] Cait: Yeah. And this is what went through my head. So he pops open his trunk and he says, Hey, do you want a bottle? And I tell you, when I tell you that he popped open the trunk and there was cases and cases and cases of JAJA.
[00:07:24] Sara: Rapsodo, like, I mean, good. All the stuff that we definitely used to really like.
[00:07:30] Cait: Where, like I had a moment in my mind. My old drinking, Katie, not CA Katie. Katie, the drinker came out and I saw for a second, like the haaa.
[00:07:43] Sara: Like literally like the JAJA bottles in your eyeballs. You're like, ding, ding!
[00:07:47] Sara: Oh like you want a slot machine? It's like, ha ha ha ha ha.
[00:07:51] Cait: Yes. Oh my gosh. Perfect. Yeah. That's like what happened for a second? And then he's like, do you want a bottle? And it was just such a reflective moment. Because I'm no longer there. And honestly, even though I had those feelings, I don't feel guilty about having it. I don't feel shameful about being like ha that's why I'm sober.
[00:08:12] Sara: It's human. Totally human. Cardboard cases of tequila and that I think anything you cut and someone's like, Hey, do you want this? You're like, no, I don't. Right. But there's always gonna be like that lingering sort of, do I? No, I don't.
[00:08:27] Cait: I didn't even think do I, I just went back to sick , you know?
[00:08:34] Cait: Yeah. Totally celebrating it. Well, it's like you. Yeah, exactly. And so we, so I get the bottle and I'm like, we tried to give it back. We were like, no, no, it's all good.
[00:08:44] Sara: We don't drink, but thank you. And it just sort of got. No, I wouldn't even say uncomfortable. It was just like, give it,
[00:08:53] Cait: give it to your friend, give it to somebody and tell 'em that I work, you know, your, your neighbor works for JAJA.
[00:08:58] Cait: And we did, we gave it to somebody gave it to the owner of the rent.
[00:09:02] Sara: And we both felt like comfortable enough to like take that bottle. Yes. And have it in our house, you know? Yeah. And for, I don't think everyone would maybe do that. Yeah. Depends on what stage you're in. But for us, we were. We'll keep it overnight.
[00:09:16] Sara: And as soon as we can get rid of it, we'll get rid of it.
[00:09:18] Cait: Well, I knew Sara and I had probably different perspectives and this is something good to like talk about, cuz I don't even know that we really did, but like I immediately wanted it out of the house. Yeah. I didn't want it in the house. Not because I was like tempted or I was like, I'm gonna.
[00:09:37] Cait: You know, popping in the freezer and Ooh, it's gonna be like a whole thing. Like I wasn't tempted. I just didn't want the energy of it because it was so reminiscent to me. I haven't the house that we share, I haven't drank in it. I was, we've both been sober the entire time. We've never bought alcohol and brought it into that house.
[00:09:57] Cait: We've never had a, a legitimate, you know, alcohol stocked bar like we used to at our own houses. We have this, these gorgeous, better bars. That are all non-alc alternatives and it's just as fun. And it just felt like tarnishing to me in some way, adding that JAJA. Even if it was for like 12 hours. So I got right on the phone and I texted and I was like, who wants this?
[00:10:20] Cait: Who wants this?
[00:10:21] Sara: Yeah, but it was just for me. I, I don't think I'm more like, that's all good. Yeah. We'll get rid of it. No, you know, shade to the people who do drink tequila. Totally. Just not for me. And yeah. It can live there for a little bit and we'll get rid of it. I felt pretty confident that someone would easily take that off of our hands.
[00:10:38] Cait: Of course, of course.
[00:10:39] Sara: But yeah, it's interesting.
[00:10:40] Cait: It was a really good moment of being, you know, Sara and I were laughing about how. We would've, the old us would've really been like sick! We have a neighbor and we just are stocked for good. And how different drinking really makes your perspective on like the people that you have in your life you know? Our neighbor would've then become like an asset to me. Right? Like that those conversations would've been in my mind strictly for getting my supply. You know of JAJA.
[00:11:15] Sara: Yeah. It's pretty wild. When you think about it like that.
[00:11:19] Cait: I know. And, and I'm so happy that I don't have that kind of relationship.
[00:11:24] Sara: I know it didn't change our relationship at all. We can still just have like genuine conversations when we see each other, like, Hey, how you doing? How's everything.
[00:11:32] Cait: And it came up for us again too, which was so funny, which I think is why we really wanna talk about it. Cuz I just think it's, I'm curious if it's ever.
[00:11:42] Cait: Come up for anybody else too, of like, oh, this is my, this was my vice. And here it is again and again and again.
[00:11:49] Sara: And like a very, very specific vice, right? Like, yes, booze was a vice, but right. More specifically like tequila. Yeah. Like bottles of nice tequila. Right. And like about a week later, we were at one of my really close friends engagement parties.
[00:12:04] Sara: And we were sort of catching up with her close friends that we hadn't seen in a while. And we realized that we lived really close to this couple. And we planned a little double date and then it was Casamigos. Oh, I work for Casamigos. I have endless supplies of Casamigos. I'll bring the Casamigos.
[00:12:22] Sara: We'll all take shots at dinner. Let's do shots of Casamigos. And we were like we're sober.
[00:12:29] Cait: But it wasn't even a, we are sober. It was like, oh, we're sober, we're sober. And her reaction was like, oh, sweet I love that. Almost relief. Yeah. She was like, great I've been trying to drink less. Exactly. And which was, that was cool.
[00:12:41] Cait: And then we were like, we could do shots of red bull. And they were like, oh, red bulls, awful.
[00:12:46] Sara: I said, sugar free red bull. They said, okay.
[00:12:48] Cait: Right. And it's just interesting how, like that conversation. It just would've stopped at tequila and then we would've hung out and then we would've gotten probably blackout drunk with them and not remembered, or I, I don't know.
[00:12:59] Cait: It's just, it's just interesting.
[00:13:02] Sara: It's just funny. The two brands of tequila that we used to hit really hard, we basically met. Or like made plans or our neighbors with the sales representatives. Who have like endless, unlimited supplies of these tequilas. I know. To just think about where we were a year and a half ago and what that would've meant to us.
[00:13:23] Sara: Versus where we're at now and how little that impacts our life, our relationship with those people. Yeah. None of it really mattered. It was sort of just like, yeah, no, we're, we are not, that's not our, you know, vibe, but like by all means, do you, right? Whatever. Like if you wanna drink at dinner, do it, but it's just so interesting to compare what that would've meant to us.
[00:13:45] Cait: I know.
[00:13:45] Sara: A year and a half ago and what it means to us now.
[00:13:48] Cait: And it's almost like, you know, it. Like, we know the difference that we have in a year. And, and I think as you go through sobriety, you have all these little moments where you start to clock like, oh, wow, look how different this event would've been if I was drinking. I would've had to Uber. I know I would've had a hangover or just waking up the next day and being like, wow. I feel great. And I know at that bachelorette party, if I would've indulged, I would've woken up and not remembered it. And you, you have these experiences that allow you to reflect in ways that you wouldn't, you can't until you're really in it.
[00:14:21] Sara: Mm-hmm.
[00:14:22] Cait: So it's just cool that we, we had that. And also that it was that those are possibilities of resulting in triggers for people.
[00:14:31] Sara: Absolutely.
[00:14:33] Cait: And I don't know the answer on really what to do, if that was a, a trigger for me. I guess it was in a way. And I, and I did one in the house and I found the solution and I knew, and I admitted, and I think that might be the answer to, to get out of it is just, yeah.
[00:14:49] Cait: I mean, it's to feel. Tempted and weird and uncomfortable about those kind of situations.
[00:14:55] Sara: Yeah. And for me, I think if I was alone, mm. It would be a, like a lot more difficult. Yeah. Personally, just because I still have a sort of like people pleaser mentality that I like am trying to grow out of. Yeah.
[00:15:08] Sara: But it would've been a little bit more difficult for me to be like, oh, you know, no, like I, maybe it would've just been more difficult for me. Right. And having someone with me or that I could talk to about it, or like, share that same sentiment was really important. So I think that's also, maybe the answer, if you are alone in a situation like that, pick up the phone and call someone that, you know, maybe has a similar experience yeah.
[00:15:32] Sara: That you can like talk to and be like, whoa. Yeah. You remember that tequila we used to love? I just met like the North American sales rep and they offered me five cases. What do I do? You know, like, whatever it is. Right. But like talk to someone, say it out loud. I think that's always what we go to. Yeah. Is just say how you're feeling.
[00:15:50] Sara: Talk to someone who's like minded. Totally. And just don't be ashamed of how you're feeling. Yeah. Or whatever you're feeling, you know?
[00:15:58] Cait: Right. Totally shame. Doesn't really nourish growth. It really just keeps you stuck.
[00:16:03] Sara: And you can't like help it sometimes. Totally. You just go to it automatically. And I think it's just a natural human response to honestly, to growth.
[00:16:12] Sara: Sometimes you don't like to be reminded of who you used to be. Yeah. And so you feel this shame and it's, it's totally natural. But once you identify that feeling, you can sort of go. Okay. I feel that. I see it. I'm gonna release it. Yeah. And I'm gonna move forward. Yeah. And I'm gonna call someone and I'm gonna tell them, and we're gonna be able to laugh about this and it's all good.
[00:16:33] Cait: Yeah. Also, if you don't have that community yet, I've done this. Not specifically pertaining to alcohol, but when I feel anxious or something, I just write it in my notes.
[00:16:44] Sara: Mm-hmm.
[00:16:44] Cait: I write it in my notes, like unfiltered, cuz sometimes when you call somebody, you feel like you can't even say everything, but I think just getting it out in whatever way that looks like voice memo notes.
[00:16:55] Cait: So D two suggested that on our first episode actually of the season.
[00:16:59] Sara: Yeah. Yeah. I remember that.
[00:17:00] Cait: Of putting in a voice note and I think it's so true because. Also so many things feel really, really big in the moment mm-hmm . And if you can give yourself the gift of, of writing it down and being able to look back at it. Solid, because you'll realize, and you'll see, wow, that really was impactful to me at the moment.
[00:17:20] Cait: And look I'm here and I'm cool. And even if that trigger does send you, like, let's say. I did take that. JAJA. And I did put it in the freezer and I did decide that I was gonna just say F it while I haven't done that. And, and what I, what I'm saying is obviously a little skewed because I haven't experienced that.
[00:17:42] Cait: I would hope that I could implement some kind of forgiveness to myself and, and be graceful because the world is really like pounding us all the time with these temptations and reminders. And we're human.
[00:17:58] Sara: Totally.
[00:17:59] Cait: And that's okay. Another thing that was kind of crazy is I've been going to a doctor. A psychiatrist. Because I've really been struggling with my focus and I'm just kind of reflecting on my childhood. And all of these things that, and also TikTok. Hello TikTok. Really giving us an insight into, what's going on in the mental health world that I really don't think people would've been able to understand otherwise.
[00:18:26] Cait: So I've been on this list for the psychiatrist. Sara knows. I'm like, you know, you know, you've been with me, it's been like a six month list, which that's a whole other conversation of like, wow it took me six months and that's lucky. For it to only take me six months. But when I went to meet my psychiatrist, I had to do a urine test before they put me on a medication and it came back positive for THC.
[00:18:53] Cait: Which is just wild.
[00:18:56] Sara: Well, a little background there. My dad gave us these CBD gummies or like, so he thought they were CBD gummies.
[00:19:03] Cait: And he didn't like them because they made his throat tickle. Yeah. He didn't like the sugar on it. So Sara and I have been taking maybe splitting a gummy or, or like half of a gummy.
[00:19:14] Sara: Yeah. And I think like a full dose is like one whole gummy, but we were like, we'll take half whatever. We looked all over the bottle. Read the label.
[00:19:22] Cait: And the reason for that was to go to sleep. So Sara and I had been taking these gummies .
[00:19:26] Sara: It was also supposed to help with like muscle soreness and like I have shoulder pains sometimes.
[00:19:31] Sara: Yes. Yeah. So we just thought harmless.
[00:19:35] Cait: We did our research. It says CBD. Googled it. Looked on the website. No where is it say that there's any THC? Well, there is. Cause it. It came back in my urine that there was THC. So that's like a whole other, maybe that's a whole other episode. Or maybe I guess next season of like, what does that look like?
[00:19:56] Cait: But this is your warning. If you are gonna try CBD to maybe help you sleep, because sleep is really hard for me, it's always been hard for me. And it's the reason why I really leaned into alcohol because I used to think that it helped me go to sleep. If you're looking into CBD as a way to help, be careful. And make sure you really, I mean, do more than read the label and read what's on the website, because if that's something that's triggering to you, I just say, I don't know.
[00:20:25] Cait: It's just crazy.
[00:20:26] Sara: Well, yeah. I mean, I guess the only way to be like sure, sure. Is like to purchase it yourself. Mm-hmm. To talk to like someone who's an expert or like somewhere in that realm of, you know, they know the different products that they're selling. They know the retailers and the manufacturers where they're getting it from.
[00:20:44] Sara: And like for sure, there's no trace amounts of THC or whatever.
[00:20:48] Cait: Right because there's like no regulation because the marijuana industry is so new. I don't believe there's any regulation in place yet.
[00:20:54] Sara: I mean, I think there's some. But I don't know.
[00:20:56] Cait: Obviously cross contamination is a thing. Yeah. If it's in the same made in the same, what is it called?
[00:21:01] Cait: A factory, like a factory or something that has THC gummies and CBD you just never know. But yeah. I mean, that kind of brings us to the point of like we wanna do the research for you on a lot of things. On what is the safest CBD products to use that isn't gonna impact or change your state of consciousness.
[00:21:26] Cait: What are really great non-alcohol substitutes that are good from mocktails and are just cool, great cans to have in your fridge to get excited about a drink.
[00:21:37] Sara: And also what can you mix with those delicious non-alcoholic spirits?
[00:21:41] Cait: So this leads us to wrap up this episode with what's to come next month, the middle of July. July 15th, we are launching clearheaded.co.
[00:21:55] Cait: The podcast is still gonna go on. But we're expanding the clearheaded brand to bring you so much more than just these fantastic conversations. We have a happier hour tab. Sarah's heading all of the beverage on that happier hour tab. We're partnering with some phenomenal small businesses and larger businesses that are all non-alcoholic substitutes to give you clear, in the clear approved product to have in your home. That's safe, uplifting, and still gives you the luxury of being social.
[00:22:31] Cait: Our whole mission on clearheaded is that you are not losing anything by being sober. And we wanna show you how much you can gain from lifestyle tips to entertainment tips, and even just how to treat yourself.
[00:22:48] Cait: Clearheaded.co is gonna be your ultimate guide for sober care. So please follow us @clearheaded.co on Instagram and stay tuned for all the amazing stuff that we are going to provide to you. I'm so excited for this!
[00:23:05] Sara: Me too.
[00:23:06] Cait: And with that means that clearheaded podcast will be a sobriety focused podcast.
[00:23:15] Cait: We wanna give you more of the incredible conversations that we had in this last season, in our kind of trial run to see our response. And really what it comes down to is your response. Your DMs, your messages that say that this has impacted you in so many healthy, beneficial ways that an episode
[00:23:40] Cait: encourage you to try 30 days or now you're three months in and you can't wait to continue that journey. Or you're just simply reevaluating why you pick up that drink at the end of the day. So we're doing this for you and with you. Because we're gonna keep with the format of popping in from time to time, whether it'll be just me or Sara and I.
[00:24:02] Cait: We're gonna share with you our real life sober struggles, successes, obstacles, adventures. Because we're in this together. And just a little heads up, we'll be taking a two week pause to make sure we have all of our good content batched and ready to roll. Starting July 18th. Sara said, I think you said it a couple months ago.
[00:24:29] Sara: Mm-hmm.
[00:24:30] Cait: Sobriety cannot survive in isolation. And we agree. I agree. So we're here for you. How do you feel ?
[00:24:39] Sara: Really excited. To share what's gonna come.
[00:24:43] Cait: I know. And we have such an amazing team behind us, working with us. So stay tuned. Thank you so much for tuning in over the last two seasons. I can't wait to see you back here where we can all gain some clarity on Monday, July 18th.
[00:25:01] Cait: See you next month.
[00:25:08] Cait: Clearheaded is sponsored by Free Spirits. Head to drinkfreespirits.com and use code clearheaded 20 for 20% off your first order.
[00:25:17] Cait: This episode was recorded at the wave podcast in studios. And the music used was created by honeydu. Special thanks to Sara Ashcraft. For more tips, tricks and tools head to our website, the clearheadedpodcast.com.
